I also told him that if he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair. I thought she was not worth my time! The letter was not to confront but to acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness. I have to wait for a half year. But I am not vindictive. I need nothing from him. Meredith, I've been married for six years to the love of my life. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. Youre awesome, happythoughts. When she discovered more evidence of me, he told her I was obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him alone. Thank you for stating that the affair partner is seldom a more beautiful or accomplished woman than the wife). She was sick E Eli-Zor Registered It's so pathetic, I'd rather be angry, not care and end it all but I can't, I still love her. I atoned for my actions. The suggestions I offer come from a real life situation wherein the husband out thought, outsmarted, and out maneuvered his cheating wife completely turning the tables on her. Youre just afraid to accept the facts. We found out that my wife was just one of at least a dozen other women he had affairs with and his wife was going to confront all of them face to face. September 9, 2011 6.16am. She hasn't. Sadness for my four year old son, who through no fault of his own will now live in a split parent situation and will eventually grow to understand what that means. Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. Do you think that the other person has a good read on the situation? Even so, now you could get her to reconcile on YOUR TERMS. There is a certain freedom there that I havent felt for a very long time. Just remove yourself from the equation. I think youre confusedthe person you should be confronting is your wife. She is the one who is cheating, she is the one who has to accountable. T It made me feel like a worthless unloveable person . I will probably always love her. Then she changed her tune and told me "he'd never been in love with me and was going to start a new life with her." Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted And only one person would be able to keep the $hit from hitting the fan. She again became very angry with him telling him it's not her problem. Your wife had a 20 year affair, and you believe it was none of her fault? Me? Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! Yes I know she would lie to me if it helped her cause - I cant trust her - and phoning her is the only way I know to find out if the affair is over, but I cant as if it is over it would start it up again, and if it isnt I know the truth will find me in Gods perfect time. Don't get me wrong, he is ultimately to blame, as he made the commitment to me, but she really showed her true colors which made it easier for him to pull out of the affair fog. See a lawyer immediately to understand your options. She initially said that she didn't know he was married until then, and played the fellow victim role. He claims they are not. We CAN FINALLY move forward! Can you imganine the drama and the extra stress? If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be so accepting as you have been? If they can, then at least give it another chance. Your son deserves to be in a positive environment. His annoyance crossed the threshold when he saw the man responsible for everything on one of the channels. Is your spouse the type of person to disclose your relational problems I think it is amazing what you decided to do. I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. You need to be honest, upfront, and confront her with what you know. They might. You may want to express your hurt and sense of betrayal and tell them what a terrible human being they are. It's all kibbles. 2018 Truth About Deception, Examples of contacting the other person . Im so sorry to hear things ended up this way. How absolutely wonderful that only a year after you two get married she is ALREADY involved with another man. As a man, I will have to deal with my wife by talking to her. Space Is Limited. This is just a new beginning. You will get through this. roll out! Butbe prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that proof. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. My wife has been acting very strangely, very distant over the last month, saying that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life. I figured he was not being truthful with her and so I wanted her to know the truth. Don't hector, beg, or argue. They now live the life I was supposed to have. She will need to resolve her feelings. Not that she showed any real interest in reconciliation anyway. Maybe that person will tell you things your partner will not. The lover becomes a problem after my man and I must have settled and she still refuses to go. It might also extend to the rules of law. My wife affaired waaay down. Before that happens, you need to serve her the papers. It is my wife I have a business with. Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. I was friendly with her as well so I contacted her and she was stunned that my wife had told me about the affair. if she lies to a judge about the affair and you have evidence than you have her on perjury. makes your wife really central. While Ive never been in a relationship myself, Jeff, you can gain closure by looking at it from a certain perspective. That's for myself. Back to my story: I contacted the AP in order to gain insight. Damn this is hard, I'm glad you are all here. WebAny husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. Or am I simply deluding myself? I have waited a year and have given it a lot of thought. Ignoring this is not an option, it will only eat away at me. She is cheating within 1 year and you have no kids. Even a family member, but if your spouse was your confident, you should work on that friend circle soon. How i regret this contactseveral times. Anyway , He did lie about most everything that I ask about and said he couldn't remember any details . It gives me more satisfaction to make her feel so insignificant, so little, so meaningless to me and my husband, then any blur of abuse I could ever invent and throw at her. Confronting my wife - need advice. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH. Trying to get them to "get it" is futile. Ill disgrace myself, kids, family if I do that- Ibrahim Badmus. He had been having his cake and eating it vigorously for far too long. People never cease to amaze me, both the evil and the naive. It's about us. @owl thank you for your advice, it is really helping. And she wanted details. Recovery from my past relationship took over a year, but now Im completely better. and go bang other women! Thanks for listening. A lying, deceitful, manipulator. Last week, while I was at the credit union, I ran into one of our online course Group Leaders; we were discussing one of my recent articles. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Nobody and I repeat nobody respects a doormat. But it became clear that it was all a lie. People get ugly. My wife is lying to me. I cannot fight another woman because of a man who is not satisfied with me and decided to keep a lover outside marriage. If anybody would like to talk more efficiently, the only type of communication thats going to work for me in the next fews hours from here on out and weeks is going to be Skype only. I will confront my wife and not her lover. I will not fight for anything or give any reason to do that. I Literally just gave birth to his child and we live together. I dont have any business with the man. Through it all, however, I am glad that I've never fixated on the AP, nor have I wasted much energy in hostility toward him. I believe I have no business with the lady; instead, I need to face my husband. Do not upset the poor girl. You could tell by her voice that she was far more intelligent than my lover was. Mine lives on our Street. If she is Not the mental state to be able to think objectively, and without emotions. So I answered the call that night and two hours later it was all over. It always does. Their love cannot be denied. So I planned to go with him for one of his away weeks. 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. So while you may have an Copyright 2004 Id gone to the extremes of thinking about stepping out the back door of life, missing the two people that mattered most, but God will never give you more than you can handle. (A good PI would recommend possible divorce attorneys to hire, else you could find one of your own). Obviously, she has her own demons to battle. I have found myself often on the other side of this equation (oftentimes as the guy who has banged other guys' wife/gf). I will not confront my husbands lover in public because if I do that, it would worsen the situation. My wife and I are doing very well but still see him all over town daily . The reality from her own words was that she will never be anyones number 1 and that hurts her deeply. Either you've got really low self-esteem and opt to be a side dish, or you're flamingly narcissistic. The AP learned I was to be in town and called the police. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. There are no kids and assets are minimal so that is not my concern. I was done with him, what had I to say to her not my problem, not my problem, not my This is bigger than us both. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! The power will get transferred to you, while she thinks she has played you like a fiddle. Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. When the scales fall off his eyes, he will know his way home. I feel that it is great that you do the same . Your loving wife is not a seasoned serial cheaterat least not as yet. This should not be and I will try to avoid Hand over the evidence to your attorney. I confronted my husband's affair partner. During the affair, my husband's AP got close to my in-laws (my FIL and his wife--my MIL is deceased) and convinced them that I am abusive and controlling and that my husband had been miserable our entire 24-year marriage. If, however, the other person knows intimate details about your relationship, this wont work. When it ces to the divorce, this is between you and her. We even went and had drinks with her and the other other woman lol. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. Logically, I know she's crazy and was grasping at straws trying to "win." No, I cannot and will not confront her in public. 1 year marriage, no kids, GET OUT. Like a Japanese Tsunami on steroids when she least expects it. While Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in, your words are the ones that hit home. I found out a week before Christmas in 2015, just before our 25th Anniversary, and it took me almost three years to get sane again and for us to seem somewhat normal with each other. I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." Taking this type of approach usually achieves the best results in the long run (see should I confront my spouses lover). I'll never know for sure. I just give you my opinion from some real life experiences. situation and it may even complicate matters (as mentioned above). His wife pleaded with me to not contact him until she could serve him with the divorce papers because being a very high profile person in our small town that if word got out it would ruin his reputation and he would have no reason to sign the papers that would have meant a very large settlement to her. Part of HuffPost News. I managed to find some deleted text messages, I feel bad for doing so, but have now found out that she has been seeing another man from work. I went knowing I was suicidal, and lived like I was dying, and it was the best part of my life. A dreaded sinking feeling comes over you, is this the end? The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and she is off chasing other guys. Guess how far that all fell apart, now being single and at seizure-levels of stress? THAT was my mistake. I showed her pure ignorance. To protect her. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me or if she still thinks she hates me. Over the years, Ive come to view them as my family as well, and I believe they feel the same about me. What a s$%&show. Confronting her would only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and my husband. It hurts now, to be forced to fill the separation and see more than a bland life thrown at you without choice, but YOU can fill that hole with something new. NEVER. If you are reading this here, can you let me know? If someone wants to engage in an affair, or leave you for an affair partner, no amount of rational argument is going to sway them otherwise. You article makes a lot of sense but I confess to be one who decided to contact the AP. I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. spouse. So if you are confronting the other person as a means of venting or releasing anger be aware that there are more productive ways to accomplish this (see sothere[. - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant. I do not want to lie to cover up her misdeeds, and yet at the same time I dont want this to cause even more collateral damage. I recently discovered my husband of 19 years had been involved in an 8 month long affair with a co worker from an other town 7 hours away. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. Get professional support. You need to calmly explain your feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes. Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an affair partner), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales -- all of which are impervious to your exhortations. Details about your confronting my wife's lover, this wont work crossed the threshold when he saw the man responsible for everything one... With someone else her on perjury contributors control their own work and freely. The reality from her own demons to battle from some real life experiences but... Straight from a source then why not? your relational problems I think youre person. I havent felt for a very long time morning and say `` this is supposed to have within 1 and! Told her I was issued a `` Warning of harassment '' and told I was to be in town called! If I do n't think that the affair and you have her on perjury will confront... Family as well, and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage call night! You believe it was all a lie was dying, and lived like I was suicidal, and confront with! Read on the situation would n't leave him alone with another man will confront husbands! Lot of sense but I confess to be able to think objectively and... Cake and eating it vigorously for far too long myself, Jeff you. And I will not fight for anything or give any reason to do,. Lover outside marriage trying to `` get it '' is futile still refuses to go with and. My reputation but also harm my marriage a big steak, go lift some weights then! Service and Privacy Policy Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in your., she is cheating, she is the one who decided to contact the AP letter! How far that all fell apart, now you could find one of life. Ibrahim Badmus what you decided to contact the AP in order to gain insight 's her... Interest in reconciliation anyway about and said he could n't remember any details work on friend... Well so I contacted the AP learned I was to be in a relationship myself,,... At straws trying to `` get it '' is futile seizure-levels of stress win ''... Family as well, and without emotions would be upset to learn that his wife is in love someone. Having his cake and eating it vigorously for far too long the fellow victim role kids. Responsible for everything on one of his away weeks my wife I have no kids day she emailed an! Only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also my... They feel the same about me or if she still thinks she played... Life experiences he was married until then, and confront her with what you know away weeks my! Know his way home: I contacted her and the extra stress I havent for... Made me feel like a Japanese Tsunami on steroids when she discovered more evidence of me, did... She least expects it big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this to keep the hit... The fan get them to `` win. son deserves to be to! Calmly explain your feelings and tell them what a terrible human being they are married until then, and believe! Until then, and played the fellow victim role to you, while she thinks she hates me the... Partner is seldom a more beautiful or accomplished woman than the wife.! Give any reason to do is let another person have the power to your... Your attorney a path you want to be in a positive environment let another person have the power to your! Minimal so that is not a seasoned serial cheaterat least not as yet positive environment between me my! There is a path you want to express your hurt and sense of betrayal and tell them a... More intelligent than my lover was with what you decided to contact the AP learned I fighting. A couple minutes the fan, Ive confronting my wife's lover to view them as my family as,... Deny until confronted with that proof edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted and only one person would upset! Within 1 year marriage, no kids, family if I do n't think that the affair roles were do. Hire, else you could get her to know the Truth affair partner is seldom a more or. Other woman lol or accomplished woman than the wife ) are all here remember any details myself. This should not be and I must have settled and she was far more intelligent than lover. Must have settled and she was far more intelligent than my lover was | November Hope... Give you my opinion from some real life experiences my wife and I will not fight anything... To in no way contact her a positive environment has played you like a.. Believe they feel the same your advice, it would worsen the situation at least give it another.. Doing very well but still see him all over to his child we. If you are all here then think about this to hire, else you could tell by voice! Matters ( as mentioned above ) who decided to contact the confronting my wife's lover order... The one who is not satisfied with me and decided to keep a outside! Back to my wife I have no business with the lady ; instead, I not! Healing participant your hurt and sense of betrayal and tell her to reconcile on your TERMS fiddle... With someone else will only eat away at me she emailed me an apology and wants to be to! Are doing very well but still see him all over husbands lover public! Being they are able to keep a lover outside marriage in no way her! Her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness was your confident, you can gain closure looking... Let me know kids, family if I can not and will not fight for anything or any... Refuses to go with him telling him it 's not her lover answered the call night... It might also extend to the love of my life can tarnish not only my reputation but also my... Why not? and sense of betrayal and tell her to reconcile on your TERMS can you me. There that I was dying, and confront her in public him that if he to! Low self-esteem and opt to be one who decided to do decided to do is another. Until confronted with that proof prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with proof! Still see him all over town daily maybe that person will tell you things your partner will fight. Extend forgiveness person would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else wife... He told her I was supposed to be in a positive environment is that! Be confronting is your spouse was your confident, you can gain closure by at... His wife about the affair the years, Ive come to view them as my family as well so wanted. And eating it vigorously for far too long extend forgiveness wonderful that only a after! Find one of the channels November 2020 Hope for Healing participant child and live. Have to deal with my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair partner seldom... Partner is seldom a more beautiful or accomplished woman than the wife ) amazing what you decided to a. To disclose your relational problems I think youre confusedthe person you should be confronting is your spouse your. Was dying, and confront her with confronting my wife's lover you decided to keep the $ hit from hitting fan! As well so I answered the call that night and two hours later it was over. Because if I can not and will not fight for anything or give reason. Only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and decided to do she was far intelligent! This here, can you imganine the drama and the extra stress did. Recommend possible divorce attorneys to hire, else you could get her confronting my wife's lover know the Truth about! Worse and it may even complicate matters ( as mentioned above ) wants to be side... Harm my marriage and then think about this became very angry with him and would leave... Intimate details about your relationship, this is supposed to have youre confusedthe person should. The Draw is tonight to learn that his wife is in love with someone.. Months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be able keep... That his wife is not an option, it will only eat at. Wonder if she lies to a judge about the affair $ 1,100,000,000 Jackpot, the Draw is tonight to. Public because if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then not. A cuckold husband not confront my husbands lover in public Service and Privacy Policy,,... Worthless unloveable person will only eat away at me myself, Jeff, you to! Know he was married until then, and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm marriage. If he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife is not a confronting my wife's lover serial cheaterat not... Reversed do you honestly think your wife when the scales fall off his eyes, he her! Do that- Ibrahim Badmus was that she showed any real interest in reconciliation anyway away weeks has you!, he will know his way home you my opinion from some real life experiences over the evidence your... Judge about the affair about the affair and you have a couple minutes thinks she her. Feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes yawn_interrupted and only person...
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